Short Story, Ahoy!

I am writing a new story.  I'm so excited!  I have been doing research on short stories and I think that is the route I need to take for now.  One of the blogs I read yesterday said the best way to get better at writing is to start with short stories.  (Sorry I can't link, I read so many I can't remember. Mental note: keep track of these things)

When I go back and read the things I've written I feel overwhelmed.  Everything was straight in my head but once I passed a certain point I didn't know what direction it should go.  I would get frustrated and not write again for weeks or months then start on a new idea that wanted to get out.

Now I am setting a reasonable goal.  5,000 words.  Beginning, middle, end.  How hard can that be?

To the story:  Science Fiction!  There will be cryogenics, spaceships, indentured servitude, and.... fight scenes!



  
      

Promise

I am putting this out there as a reminder to myself to finish something that I have always wanted to do.  That is the point of this post.  It is for me.  I started this blog today for that very reason.  It is on the internet now and I can't take it back...  I will refrain from deleting it tomorrow! 

I have three unfinished stories sitting in my google drive waiting for an ending.  Characters waiting for their moment.  I have spent months learning all I can about story structure and plot.  The characters and worlds were always in my head I just didn't have the tools to get them where they needed to be.  I didn't have focus.  I would write for hours, days, weeks, just to get it all down.  Then BOOM.  I was completely lost so I would give up.  Some time would pass and new characters and ideas would take me over.  Same thing would happen.  

But who am I?  I don't have a degree.  I am not the best at grammar.  I don't have a large vocabulary.  What I do have is all these people in my head.  They have depth.  They have a story that wants to be told.  

The main problem I have been having is putting it all together.  I think I can do that now.  It won't be perfect but it will be better.  I should be content with that.

Goodbye Surg Tech

I am 26.  Unemployed.  I graduated last December from technical college (yeah a tech school) with a surgical technology diploma.  I became certified a month later.  I LOVED it.  I spent most of the work week during 2011 in an operating room.  I have assisted with amputating legs, C-Sections, putting grafts in arteries (carotid was my favorite), tons of laproscopies.... I could go on but I won't.  Most people get grossed out when I go into too much detail.

 

I loved every second of it.  I always had a smile under the mask.  I couldn't stop myself.  It was amazing to me.  Learning anatomy in a book and seeing it firsthand is completely different.  It gave me a new appreciation for the human body and how amazing we are.

Jump to almost a year later and I'm unemployed.  I have been on SIX interviews.  I know I'm shy but I'm not that socially retarded.  I have worked before.  My resume isn't empty.  Employees at the hospitals I worked at even vouched for me and gave me references.  So it comes down to experience.  With so many that are unemployed, places can afford to be choosier.  OH and with too many colleges around the country offering the program I decided, there are more graduates than jobs that are available.  They keep pumping out grads with no where for them to go.  But we keep paying yearly fees and for CE credits.  

What are my choices?  Move?  How can one do that without money or assistance?  Since my husband has a stable full time job here it seems illogical to move without knowing there would be a job waiting on me.  Plus by the time we got moved no one would want me because I have been out of the OR for a year and there are plenty of fresh grads to pick from if they decided they didn't want anyone with years of experience under their belt.

So that is where I'm at now.  Trying not to be bitter because I'm not in the job i should have had.  One I was good at.  I looked forward to waking up at 5am.  I had to wake up that early when I worked in retail and it sucked.  Being in the OR was the first place that I felt I was needed.  That I really contributed.  It wasn't counting money for someone else.  Punching a clock for a paycheck.  

I was technically a student but I was doing things on my own.  I just had someone looking over my shoulder while I did it.  But I was ready to make that step.  To be held accountable for every decision I made.  It had an impact on me.  I mattered.  I directly contributed to someone getting better.  I saw people come in with broken parts and helped to put them back together.  THAT is why I love surgery.  I can see it, touch it, smell it.  Watch it all change in front of me. 

I am most sad that I was never given the chance to prove myself.  Or given the chance to fail.  Either/or would be better than this.  At least I would have known that I tried.  I never missed a day.  Made better grades than everyone else.  I was happy and I think that is what hurts the most.  I thought having a diploma equals a job.  And that having people on your side equals a job but it doesn't.  Lesson learned for me.  

If I had to throw blame around I think it should mostly lay on where I live.  I'm in a small town and the hospitals around me just don't have that many jobs to offer.  If I had known that maybe I wouldn't have chosen this field.  But colleges these days are a business more than anything.  Apparently 99% employment rate doesn't actually mean in the field.  Yeah, I learned that later after doing research.  So working at McDonald's after you graduate means that they can classify you as employed with their statistics.  

Knowing what I know now I don't know if I would do it over again.  I am conflicted there.  I learned a lot about myself.   I broke out of my shell.  I stood up for myself.  I spoke up.  I got to see things that most people will never get to see firsthand.  I realized how much I love people.  I didn't care who was on the table.  I cared about them.  I wanted to make them better.  They were important to me. 

A lot goes into surgery.  We take away your ability to breath on your own and cut you open.  That takes a lot of courage.  I seen grown men cry.  I can't blame them.  It's a big deal.  Watching people pass over like that made me take personal responsibility to do to my best.  I would expect nothing less if that were me.  I treated every person with respect and love.  No matter their past or things they have done.  That is no concern to me.  What matters to me is that you are human and it's our job to make you better. 

The other part of me wants to take it all back.  All the wasted money.  The wasted two years of my life.  I could really count that as three if I add in 2012 where I have been unemployed. I had a nice work from home customer service job but I lost it because I had to miss time for interviews at hospitals.  Maybe it is my fault for not landing the jobs.  In the graduating class before me 2 out of 7 got jobs in the field.  One of them joined the army.  2 out of 6 of my class got jobs on the OB floor, not even in the OR.  Seems like 99% to me.  When I started there were over 30 of us.  After a selection process based on grades it was down to 12.  So only about half even make it through to the end.  And even less than that get to make it.  When I look at the facts I guess I am a little bitter.  Should have been a RN...